7 Tips for Saying Goodbye to Sentimental Belongings
When I work with clients who are downsizing to a smaller home or selling the home of a loved one who has passed, one of the hardest chores they face is letting go of sentimental belongings. Souvenirs collected during travels, family heirlooms, and your children’s keepsakes can be quite stressful to part with (and man, the artwork of little kids is so darn cute). It doesn’t matter whether the items have monetary value or not; in fact, often the most difficult items to let go of are worthless in terms of money, but priceless in sentimental value.
Here are some tips to help you part with belongings you are attached to but no longer want to keep.
1. Remember that our memories reside within us, not within our possessions.
Psychologists say that letting go of sentimental items can be extremely therapeutic. When we keep things, the items occupy both physical and mental space in our lives. It’s healthier to focus on your memories and not the items that represent your memories (time to toss the football shaped notes from high school I suppose).
2. Focus on the present. Letting go also helps to bring your focus to the present. Sometimes things are continual reminders of the past and hold us back from living in the present. Dwelling in the past can make one more prone to depression and can affect our ability to deal with stressful situations in our lives. Realize that while we can always cherish our memories, we don’t need the past to be happy in the present.
3. Let go of guilt.
People often hold onto an item they don’t want or need because someone special gave it to them or it represents a special person. Learn to let go of the guilt associated with getting rid of gifts you can’t use. Appreciate the thoughtfulness of the giver or the special memory it represents but pass the item on to someone else who can use it or donate it to charity. In my family this guilt invoking items was china that my grandfather purchased my great-grandmother while he was station overseas during the Korean war. Now this china stayed with Grandma Rose for decades but once she passed, man did my mom want this china. Guess what she did with it? It sat in the basement for YEARS collecting dust and beginning to rust (sorry mom, totally throwing you under the bus here). Guess who ended up with it next? Yep, you guessed it, ME. I held onto the china for another few years, proudly presented in my dining room, and entirely in harms way with two toddlers running around. It caused more stress than joy and mom told me it was time to let it go. So, we got rid of it! Just because it was special to a family member does not mean you need to hold onto it - let go of the guilt, it is not yours to carry.
4. Don’t save it for your grown children. Times have changed and today more young adults are able to buy their own furnishings. And they aren’t as sentimental about family heirlooms as prior generations were (not sure how I truly feel about this but it seems to be true). Talk to your kids now and find out if you are holding onto your china, crystal, and silver tea service for nothing. Also, pro tip: if your attic and basement are filled with things you are holding onto just because "you may need it," I encourage you to revisit. I have sat with many spouses and adult children who have lost a loved one who are truly trying to do their best to mourn and are so overwhelmed with how to get rid of the "stuff." Do your family a favor, less is more.
5. Compromise with your partner/spouse. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to resent the others’ favorite belongings while holding onto their own special stuff (coffee cups are a bone of contention in my house). It’s important to recognize that, while you may not understand your husband’s need to keep a ball cap for every MLB team he’s seen play, or his baseball jerseys from when he was in elementary school, in fact he may feel the same way about your coffee cup collection or that you feel the need to keep every book you have ever read (or pretended to read if you're anything like me). Decide together on a reasonable number to keep and have open-minded conversations about why things are important to you - open communication and compromise are key.
6. Start with the easy stuff. If you have a lot of belongings to sort through, start with the easier decisions and work from there. Often people find that once they get some momentum going it feels good to let go. Filing trash bags can be SO satisfying!
7. Write a family memoir. Hold onto your memories with words instead of things by writing your memoir or the story of your family. Writing your story can be very therapeutic and can help you release your hold on tangible items. If you need help, try a service like Storyworth.com.